this is it! 

what a feeling? LOVE!!! LOVE ELEVATED!! 

I have never felt love like this. love all around me. family, friends, all of my loved ones. all this love I’m feeling. It makes you feel whole and I do. I feel unstoppable. I feel on top of the world. Want to just thank God for taking me higher in Him. He allowed me to be where I’m at today in my womanhood. my Christianity. In love…. Love is powerful, man. today I spent some much needed time with my siblings, little cousins, and my aunt. We had such a great time and in the mist of everything I caught myself thinking (nothing unusual for me lol) but I was just thinking how deep you can really care for someone. to love a person so deep, you love them just as much as you love yourself! SELFLESS LOVE! wow. never imagined in a million years I would be feeling this way. Coming from a once self absorbed, bratty ass diva of a black girl who didn’t think about NOBODY but her, her, and HER! and to think that I thought I was in love before! HA! I thought, huh? this love I’m feeling now is the real deal. I just wanna keep going higher and really enjoy every emotion in its fullness. y’all better get you some! it’s so free and it’s EVERYTHING 😩

idk.. Honestly 

My moods have been up and down lately … Some moments I’m really high, and then the next I’m really low. I’m letting my thoughts get the best of me. I know I can’t be perfect, but I have to try to make these fluctuations in my emotions to a minimum. Ugh… I’ll pray 

small packages 

the greatest things in this earth are free. and the most miraculous blessings are in the smallest packages! …. BABIES! 

I was going to the 7th grade when I found out my mom was having another baby. i was the only girl for a very long time and the oldest so I basically got whatever I wanted , when I wanted, and how I wanted it. but my mom quickly knocked me off that pedastal when she told me she was having a baby girl. lol 

At first, I was nervous… Cause my brothers and I were already old enough and bringing a new edition to the family meant the entire dynamic of the house was going to change, but as the due date came closer, I was excited! Always wondering how she was gonna look, how her personality was gonna be.. Oh.. And how to change a diaper!! 😂 I don’t remember the last time I changed one before my sister came. All of my little cousins were already in elementary school. That was history by then! 

I was in my last period of the day at school when I got called down to the office to go home! I knew what time it was!!! My baby sister was coming! 

My grandma picked me up and we rushed to the hospital. so excited to finally get to see her. 

Fast forward a bit, I got to the room and instantly was so happy! She was sooooooo tiny! just perfect. I held her for the first time and was thinking how my life just got so much better. right then, at 13 years old, I knew the magnitude of this blessing! God blessed us with such a small, but such a meaningful miracle! 

Jayla Rose was what I named her. my little mini me. 

I can still vividly feel those emotions every time I tell that story. So I can just imagine how things will be when I have my first born! when the time is right, God will give me yet another blessing and another small package! I can’t wait! 

the need to be vulnerable 

when you hurt someone you love, you hurt. everything that they feel, you feel. emotions are so powerful. love is definitely powerful…. and apologies are the foundation to all of that. 

I have been a proud person for basically my entire life! I suffered a lot because of pride. when I needed help, I didn’t wanna ask for it. When I was scared, I hid it because I didn’t wanna seem weak. & I when I knew I hurt people I rarely apologized or if I did, it was half-assed because I didn’t want to become vulnerable. 

But as I am getting older and maturing, I understand the meaning behind an apology and also sincerity! 

When you apologize to someone and are truly genuine in your words, a person can sense that. it feels so good to have someone understand your pain or hurt. To sympathize with you and admit that they were wrong. it’s so freeing. 

just imagine if your significant other did something that hurt you… they said a hurtful thing, or cheated, or lied to you… would you love them more if they apologized and was sincer about it or just brushed it under the rug because they didn’t feel the need to talk about it. no apology, no nothing? 

of course we all want an apology! they mean a lot. they can make or break a relationship at the end of the day if you think about it. I would definitely appreciate that!

Never be too proud towards the people you love, man. They can be gone at any second and the hurt will only transfer to you. set everyone free and just apologize. it’ll be worth it. 

where do I start? 

lately, I’ve been telling myself “if I look great, then I’ll feel great, and when I feel great I’ll do great things.” 

literally has been one of my constant thoughts throughout the day. but really, just think about it. when do you usually have a great day? lol when you got your hair done, a fresh cut, some new clothes on, a good workout in, a new pair of shoes… feeling yourself !!! it’s ALWAYS the best days when you’re feeling good. I know when I feel good, I get a lil pep in my step and I want to make someone else feel good about themselves too! all types of positive thoughts flow through my mind and I feel like I can accomplish anything! so do yourself a favor and get up and go look sexy, go look classic, beautiful, handsome, whatever! just feel good. life is better that way. Plus, you get to take a lot pictures and who doesn’t like those? Lol 😂

dashiki 

had a pretty good day yesterday.. work was good, school was good, my workouts were great and it was dashiki day! lol I wish I had more dashikis. this is pretty pointless post, I know   

it’s the little things … literally 

waking up in the middle of night is a normal thing for me… but tonight, I was having something like a nightmare. I understood and saw the dream so vividly … felt every emotion and I just woke up. first thing, I turned over to see that my little sister made her way in my bed and right under me ❤️❤️❤️❤️😩😩 immediately started to thank God for such a wonderful blessing! 😓🙏 I will never understand why He gave me such an angel!! Cannot even fathom the idea of having a child of my own. I know I’m going to be such a great mommy some day! never going to abandon my child!! love them unconditionally!!  the most unselfish love.. ❤️ Ugh. idk. God works so mysteriously… anyway,

sweet dreams, guys.. pray before you lay…. again 

modern day superwoman 

women are strong. women are beautiful. women are soft. women are sensitive. women are nurturers. women are lovers. women are friends. women are everything. 

I am a woman! I stand firm in being a woman. I love who I am and very confident of who I will be! 

Women have super powers beyond an understanding of any human. We were made from a mere BONE! such a dynamic, beautiful being was made from a bone of a man. not just a simple counterpart, but an essential being that was set on this earth with a big assignment. We are miracles that create miracles. We are here to love others and most importantly OURSELVES because we were made in a PERFECT image! BUT the world continuously tears us down. 

it has taken me 21 long years to get where I am emotionally and mentally with my confidence. I refuse to let anyone or anything knock me down and tell me I’m not enough because I am! I love me! That’s ENOUGH. 

I want anyone that’s reading this to know you’re the best at being you. No one else can be you the way you are. No one else can love the way you do. No one else can possess emotion or mentality the way you can. You’re a super human! You’re a super woman! No other opinion should matter on the way you should feel about yourself. We think that others are put on this earth to validate us, but they aren’t. Loving yourself is the key. Fall in love with what God blessed you with. You’re not a mistake! You’re perfectly imperfect. Embrace it!!!!!

today, I was speaking to my teacher and classmates about dreams and goals. how many people can you really sit and talk for hours about your dreams and aspirations? How many people actually have them? Have you ever sat and thought about all the things that you want to do in the future? All the things you want to accomplish? It’s unbelievable to me that people don’t even have small goals. we go through life with no destination. I am no better than anyone. Hell no, because I was just there! Not even 5 months ago, I didnt know what the hell I wanted to do with my life. Not even knowing if I wanted to fall in love again. Lol my life was just everywhere…. but I met a pretty awesome person and he changed my views on things and became my inspiration to have some aspirations! Sometimes we just need someone to motivate us and be our cheerleader when no one else sees our potential. We need to have that reassurance that everything is going to be okay. I am so thankful to be where I am and blessed that I now have some direction. Honestly, I want to be an inspiration to someone. Even if it’s just one person. Just knowing that you can be who ever you want to be just by being inspired is empowering. Write down some goals. Give your self a time to achieve it in and kill it! Life is so much better when you are being rewarded. Let your passion be your drive and take over your life again! We all need goals. We all have a purpose! Find yours! 

Purpose Driven. God Fearing

God, please give me the wisdom and guidance to know my plan You have set forth for my life. I believe that you died on the cross for me, therefore my life has a much bigger purpose because of You! I am hungry for Your wisdom. I pray daily for Your grace. I love you with all of my heart and pray that You give me a new life in You!
🙏 amen.