it’s crunch time 

today was Valentine’s Day and I felt pretty good today. I wanted to make everyone else feel good about themselves & for the most part I did. but now I need to get my drive back because I know that people need me. being an influence to people that can’t find love within themselves in my driving force. I need for everyone that I cross paths with to feel my love. The love that I have for God. The love that I have for myself and the love I have for God’s people. Everyone needs that and that’s what I’m here to do. Motivate, cultivate, elevate, appreciate!! all of those things and more. Time to make a change. Time to work! 

unconditional.

so you ever think how we are so quick to leave someone or want to give up on someone that we say we love? love is very conditional for humans. we only love as far as we can see. we never really love through whatever. everyone has a dark side. everyone has dark days and it’s truly a test of your LOVE to stick around with someone through it all. not your loyalty. God loves us through everything. He loves us through the darkest things we can possibly imagine. lying, cheating, stealing, killing, and we refuse to love if someone lies. not to say that we should be a fool in love, but we should be understanding. We should want to understand why a person did what they did. we should want to understand why a person hasn’t been able to conquer the demon that they have been battling. i just want someone that will love me through all of my dark days. to want to be my light when I can’t see my way through. to lift me up when I can’t seem to find my strength. I crave for a love with no restrictions. A love that doesn’t keep count of my wrongs, but remembers the reason they chose to love me in the first place. It’s possible to have a love like this. I know that, because I have a God that told me so. to my future husband, I love you already. I want you to know that I will love you through every storm. Every threshold. every demon that you can’t fight alone, I will fight with you! I want that Ephesians 3:14 love. A love so unconditional. A love so fearless. A love that will stand the test of time. I will get it. I’m praying for you. I’m praying for us. 

how far is too far ?

ever been afraid to do something because you didn’t want to hurt someone’s feelings? you know that it could really help you grow, but you just hold back because it might be detrimental to someone else? that is me. right now. I know I need to tell my story. it’s apart of my journey and I know I can help others if I was transparent enough to do so, but AT WHAT COST? the darkest sides of me are never the sides I can talk to someone about so I just have to talk about it and share it with the world to whomever wants to listen. that’s therapeutic for me. I need that right now to hit the next stage of my life. it’s so scary to know that you have a past and that in order to go higher in your blessings, you have to attack your demons head on. I want to be the light for the world, but I am admitting that I am scared. Terrified!!! I don’t know. I just need to pray. I’ve been under the spiritual weather lately. I need a miracle. I have been dealing with so much internally that isn’t necessarily bad, but I keep letting it get to me. Things from my past that I thought I was over, but I’m not. I’m still reaping the consequences. I’m not growing, because I’m not confronting. I’m still hurting, because I haven’t allowed myself to feel pain. why do we this? Especially women. We cover up so many feelings to seem so strong for the world when we are ALLOWED to be weak. it’s actually our strongest points. I will get there. I just want you guys to understand that even though I try to always remain positive, I still have demons that I’m dealing with. Past demons. You are not alone. We are all fighting something and I’m just trying to fight the good fight! Pray for me. 

the Queen in me

  
I used to (& kinda still do sometimes) sell myself short because I wanted to remain “humble” and not seem pompous or overly confident because ppl take that as being conceited. I know now that I am a QUEEN 💜 and Queens possess inner & outer beauty, gracefulness, good energy, influence, undeniable strength, and most of all – individuality. so what makes me the same as any other female ? I am ME! unique and my own person. so my King is set for me. not by mistake, but by fate .. I know this. so ladies, he’ll KNOW that girls like YOU don’t come around AT ALL cause you’re HIS! lol so embrace that shit and be confident in your Queendom! Young Queens 👑✨ your King is coming!! #iLowkeyJustReadThisInMyBible #ImTheMessengerTho #QueensAndKings #YoungQueen #iAmMe #imUpToSomething 💡

WOKE 

third eye awakening is one of the most painful, beautiful experiences… I’ve discovered so many things about myself. I am very cold with my emotions, but now long so bad to be passionate about all things. I am not a very good communicator, I repress my thoughts so I won’t have to deal with conflict. I am not sympathetic, but now I know that sympathy is one of life’s greatest pleasures. It teaches how to dive into emotions and completely immerse ourselves in them. I am strong, but can’t be weak, when that is really the only time God can use me when I show my vulnerabilities. I am a mess is what this all sums up to. I opened my eyes and now my mind to understand that I am gracefully flawed and now I can embrace every one of them with open arms, love myself, and unselfishly love all the people that are in it. third eye awakening, idc how bad it feels now, just continue to be good to me! 💜👁💡 #ConsciousLiving #ThirdEye #spirtualElightenment #WOKE #WorkInProgress 😌✨

this is it! 

what a feeling? LOVE!!! LOVE ELEVATED!! 

I have never felt love like this. love all around me. family, friends, all of my loved ones. all this love I’m feeling. It makes you feel whole and I do. I feel unstoppable. I feel on top of the world. Want to just thank God for taking me higher in Him. He allowed me to be where I’m at today in my womanhood. my Christianity. In love…. Love is powerful, man. today I spent some much needed time with my siblings, little cousins, and my aunt. We had such a great time and in the mist of everything I caught myself thinking (nothing unusual for me lol) but I was just thinking how deep you can really care for someone. to love a person so deep, you love them just as much as you love yourself! SELFLESS LOVE! wow. never imagined in a million years I would be feeling this way. Coming from a once self absorbed, bratty ass diva of a black girl who didn’t think about NOBODY but her, her, and HER! and to think that I thought I was in love before! HA! I thought, huh? this love I’m feeling now is the real deal. I just wanna keep going higher and really enjoy every emotion in its fullness. y’all better get you some! it’s so free and it’s EVERYTHING 😩

what’s love got to do with it? 

We were put on this earth to love and help others. I strongly believe that. Or at least, that’s my purpose. I pray about being a better me and God just tells me to love harder and somehow my life always gets easier that way. 

I was never the affectionate person or even a person to really tell anyone how I felt about them or told them I was appreciative. My parents never said they loved me verbally, but I KNEW they did. My siblings fought and bickered, but we KNEW we loved each other. My friends were always there for me and they KNEW that I was always there too… But why weren’t we verbal about it? I couldn’t even begin to tell you. Subconsciously, it was bothering me.  I started feeling distant from everyone cause I felt really unappreciated because no one ever expressed their love for me. Which was really selfish, because I wasn’t doing it either. So I just asked God for some guidance. I wanted to learn how to love. 

First, it started with me loving God. I dedicated my life back to Him and slowly, but surely grew this incredible relationship with Him that’s unexplainable. I talked to him everyday, prayed everyday. Even if it was just 5 minutes . I was constantly talking to Him. I realized that I had fallen in love all over again. Things started to become a lot clearer. I had a different way of walking and talking . Smiling all the time. God loved me and I knew it. So that just made me want to love myself. 

I suddenly started to crave love. Any and everything about it. Lol literally researching. Book after book. Scripture after scripture. I was hungry! I started shifting my mind on how I felt about myself. My flaws didn’t seem so unbearable anymore. I could look in the mirror and actually smile and feel good. Physically, I was beautiful and I believed it. My heart became so pure because love is the only thing I constantly thought about. Loving others. Loving me! Now, that’s all I ever do. Lol. I’m constantly saying I love you to my dad, siblings, family & friends. I have so much love around me. I started telling all of my loved ones just how I felt every chance I got. Whether it’s complimenting them, expressing my love, or just simply letting them know that they’re appreciated.  I was getting better. I didn’t feel so empty anymore. My heart was full. 

I know this is bunch of rambling, but i am so happy to tell people that I was not always like how I am now. I was so angry, bitter, and naive about everything and God put love in my heart and made my life have meaning. You can do it too. Literally a prayer away. God can start working on your heart. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️