don’t give up

completely emotional this morning. I haven’t cried in a while and I cried today because I feel like giving up. The world seems to beat me down when I’m already 6 feet under. I pray faithfully and I talk to God constantly, so that’s what keeps me going. My time is coming. I can feel it. I can see it! 👊🏾 keep pushing. 

detailed descriptions.

you ever look at someone and notice all of their features in detail? Like, your nose is actually pretty small. Your hair is longer than I thought. Omg, your lips are perfect. I can’t believe I didn’t see you had a beauty mark on your forehead. Lol it’s really interesting what you see when you really pay attention. 

what’s love got to do with it? 

We were put on this earth to love and help others. I strongly believe that. Or at least, that’s my purpose. I pray about being a better me and God just tells me to love harder and somehow my life always gets easier that way. 

I was never the affectionate person or even a person to really tell anyone how I felt about them or told them I was appreciative. My parents never said they loved me verbally, but I KNEW they did. My siblings fought and bickered, but we KNEW we loved each other. My friends were always there for me and they KNEW that I was always there too… But why weren’t we verbal about it? I couldn’t even begin to tell you. Subconsciously, it was bothering me.  I started feeling distant from everyone cause I felt really unappreciated because no one ever expressed their love for me. Which was really selfish, because I wasn’t doing it either. So I just asked God for some guidance. I wanted to learn how to love. 

First, it started with me loving God. I dedicated my life back to Him and slowly, but surely grew this incredible relationship with Him that’s unexplainable. I talked to him everyday, prayed everyday. Even if it was just 5 minutes . I was constantly talking to Him. I realized that I had fallen in love all over again. Things started to become a lot clearer. I had a different way of walking and talking . Smiling all the time. God loved me and I knew it. So that just made me want to love myself. 

I suddenly started to crave love. Any and everything about it. Lol literally researching. Book after book. Scripture after scripture. I was hungry! I started shifting my mind on how I felt about myself. My flaws didn’t seem so unbearable anymore. I could look in the mirror and actually smile and feel good. Physically, I was beautiful and I believed it. My heart became so pure because love is the only thing I constantly thought about. Loving others. Loving me! Now, that’s all I ever do. Lol. I’m constantly saying I love you to my dad, siblings, family & friends. I have so much love around me. I started telling all of my loved ones just how I felt every chance I got. Whether it’s complimenting them, expressing my love, or just simply letting them know that they’re appreciated.  I was getting better. I didn’t feel so empty anymore. My heart was full. 

I know this is bunch of rambling, but i am so happy to tell people that I was not always like how I am now. I was so angry, bitter, and naive about everything and God put love in my heart and made my life have meaning. You can do it too. Literally a prayer away. God can start working on your heart. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️