completely emotional this morning. I haven’t cried in a while and I cried today because I feel like giving up. The world seems to beat me down when I’m already 6 feet under. I pray faithfully and I talk to God constantly, so that’s what keeps me going. My time is coming. I can feel it. I can see it! 👊🏾 keep pushing.
you ever look at someone and notice all of their features in detail? Like, your nose is actually pretty small. Your hair is longer than I thought. Omg, your lips are perfect. I can’t believe I didn’t see you had a beauty mark on your forehead. Lol it’s really interesting what you see when you really pay attention.
We were put on this earth to love and help others. I strongly believe that. Or at least, that’s my purpose. I pray about being a better me and God just tells me to love harder and somehow my life always gets easier that way.
I was never the affectionate person or even a person to really tell anyone how I felt about them or told them I was appreciative. My parents never said they loved me verbally, but I KNEW they did. My siblings fought and bickered, but we KNEW we loved each other. My friends were always there for me and they KNEW that I was always there too… But why weren’t we verbal about it? I couldn’t even begin to tell you. Subconsciously, it was bothering me. I started feeling distant from everyone cause I felt really unappreciated because no one ever expressed their love for me. Which was really selfish, because I wasn’t doing it either. So I just asked God for some guidance. I wanted to learn how to love.
First, it started with me loving God. I dedicated my life back to Him and slowly, but surely grew this incredible relationship with Him that’s unexplainable. I talked to him everyday, prayed everyday. Even if it was just 5 minutes . I was constantly talking to Him. I realized that I had fallen in love all over again. Things started to become a lot clearer. I had a different way of walking and talking . Smiling all the time. God loved me and I knew it. So that just made me want to love myself.
I suddenly started to crave love. Any and everything about it. Lol literally researching. Book after book. Scripture after scripture. I was hungry! I started shifting my mind on how I felt about myself. My flaws didn’t seem so unbearable anymore. I could look in the mirror and actually smile and feel good. Physically, I was beautiful and I believed it. My heart became so pure because love is the only thing I constantly thought about. Loving others. Loving me! Now, that’s all I ever do. Lol. I’m constantly saying I love you to my dad, siblings, family & friends. I have so much love around me. I started telling all of my loved ones just how I felt every chance I got. Whether it’s complimenting them, expressing my love, or just simply letting them know that they’re appreciated. I was getting better. I didn’t feel so empty anymore. My heart was full.
I know this is bunch of rambling, but i am so happy to tell people that I was not always like how I am now. I was so angry, bitter, and naive about everything and God put love in my heart and made my life have meaning. You can do it too. Literally a prayer away. God can start working on your heart. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️