haven’t wrote on here in a while and I miss it. I miss you guys. I miss creative me 😩 I have been having the hardest time expressing myself and especially expressing my emotions. the way that I love has become so conditioned, so uptight. It saddens me. I have all this love in my MIND but it won’t come out verbally. 

I was people watching… well person watching & I was finding out new things about me while watching him. 

Details excite me. They are what make me fall in love the most. the smirk that comes immediately after a kiss. how gentle your hands are when you touch my hips. slight tilt of your head when you start to think about something. how high your voice gets when you laugh lol that’s the cutest. and then you can’t seem to catch your breath. or even how you say hmmmm after every damn intriguing thing that comes outta my mouth that lets me know you still find me interesting… the details are what makes me love you. 

More than anything, love heals me. love calms me. Love makes me feel whole. And sweet and feminine and strong and vulnerable. and lost, refreshed, happy. Love makes me who i am. 

the love I have for myself multiplies every time I allow myself to love someone. I find out more things. I have more ideas. I get extremely creative and submerge myself in this deep ocean of an emotion. It possesses all things that i dream to be. It allows me to be the woman I truly am and it also allows me to see people for them at their deepest core. love is the cure. Love is the potion. Love is the answer to everything.  

Somehow, some way I want to get back to my authentic love. And I think writing about it will help me. 

I just love to love. I have an addiction. I must admit. It’s the most addicting drug.

I’ll take you guys on my love journey. 

it’s crunch time 

today was Valentine’s Day and I felt pretty good today. I wanted to make everyone else feel good about themselves & for the most part I did. but now I need to get my drive back because I know that people need me. being an influence to people that can’t find love within themselves in my driving force. I need for everyone that I cross paths with to feel my love. The love that I have for God. The love that I have for myself and the love I have for God’s people. Everyone needs that and that’s what I’m here to do. Motivate, cultivate, elevate, appreciate!! all of those things and more. Time to make a change. Time to work! 

unconditional.

so you ever think how we are so quick to leave someone or want to give up on someone that we say we love? love is very conditional for humans. we only love as far as we can see. we never really love through whatever. everyone has a dark side. everyone has dark days and it’s truly a test of your LOVE to stick around with someone through it all. not your loyalty. God loves us through everything. He loves us through the darkest things we can possibly imagine. lying, cheating, stealing, killing, and we refuse to love if someone lies. not to say that we should be a fool in love, but we should be understanding. We should want to understand why a person did what they did. we should want to understand why a person hasn’t been able to conquer the demon that they have been battling. i just want someone that will love me through all of my dark days. to want to be my light when I can’t see my way through. to lift me up when I can’t seem to find my strength. I crave for a love with no restrictions. A love that doesn’t keep count of my wrongs, but remembers the reason they chose to love me in the first place. It’s possible to have a love like this. I know that, because I have a God that told me so. to my future husband, I love you already. I want you to know that I will love you through every storm. Every threshold. every demon that you can’t fight alone, I will fight with you! I want that Ephesians 3:14 love. A love so unconditional. A love so fearless. A love that will stand the test of time. I will get it. I’m praying for you. I’m praying for us. 

how far is too far ?

ever been afraid to do something because you didn’t want to hurt someone’s feelings? you know that it could really help you grow, but you just hold back because it might be detrimental to someone else? that is me. right now. I know I need to tell my story. it’s apart of my journey and I know I can help others if I was transparent enough to do so, but AT WHAT COST? the darkest sides of me are never the sides I can talk to someone about so I just have to talk about it and share it with the world to whomever wants to listen. that’s therapeutic for me. I need that right now to hit the next stage of my life. it’s so scary to know that you have a past and that in order to go higher in your blessings, you have to attack your demons head on. I want to be the light for the world, but I am admitting that I am scared. Terrified!!! I don’t know. I just need to pray. I’ve been under the spiritual weather lately. I need a miracle. I have been dealing with so much internally that isn’t necessarily bad, but I keep letting it get to me. Things from my past that I thought I was over, but I’m not. I’m still reaping the consequences. I’m not growing, because I’m not confronting. I’m still hurting, because I haven’t allowed myself to feel pain. why do we this? Especially women. We cover up so many feelings to seem so strong for the world when we are ALLOWED to be weak. it’s actually our strongest points. I will get there. I just want you guys to understand that even though I try to always remain positive, I still have demons that I’m dealing with. Past demons. You are not alone. We are all fighting something and I’m just trying to fight the good fight! Pray for me. 

the Queen in me

  
I used to (& kinda still do sometimes) sell myself short because I wanted to remain “humble” and not seem pompous or overly confident because ppl take that as being conceited. I know now that I am a QUEEN 💜 and Queens possess inner & outer beauty, gracefulness, good energy, influence, undeniable strength, and most of all – individuality. so what makes me the same as any other female ? I am ME! unique and my own person. so my King is set for me. not by mistake, but by fate .. I know this. so ladies, he’ll KNOW that girls like YOU don’t come around AT ALL cause you’re HIS! lol so embrace that shit and be confident in your Queendom! Young Queens 👑✨ your King is coming!! #iLowkeyJustReadThisInMyBible #ImTheMessengerTho #QueensAndKings #YoungQueen #iAmMe #imUpToSomething 💡

WOKE 

third eye awakening is one of the most painful, beautiful experiences… I’ve discovered so many things about myself. I am very cold with my emotions, but now long so bad to be passionate about all things. I am not a very good communicator, I repress my thoughts so I won’t have to deal with conflict. I am not sympathetic, but now I know that sympathy is one of life’s greatest pleasures. It teaches how to dive into emotions and completely immerse ourselves in them. I am strong, but can’t be weak, when that is really the only time God can use me when I show my vulnerabilities. I am a mess is what this all sums up to. I opened my eyes and now my mind to understand that I am gracefully flawed and now I can embrace every one of them with open arms, love myself, and unselfishly love all the people that are in it. third eye awakening, idc how bad it feels now, just continue to be good to me! 💜👁💡 #ConsciousLiving #ThirdEye #spirtualElightenment #WOKE #WorkInProgress 😌✨

you saved me

I am learning so much…. really just taking my days one day at a time and life is easier. I am so happy with how I am living. love everywhere. I know that’s all I ever talk about, but love saved my life. I can’t express the gratitude of how much I appreciate everyone near and dear to my heart. such a blessing to where I am from where I came from. ahh… Life is only gonna get better! & I am more than ready to experience everything in its entirety! 💜